Getting to know our neighbors

I don't know who made this, but I love them. It is dead on- hilarious. So enjoy this insight into the people inhabiting Hawaii with us.
- christian

2008 Hawaii Barbie

Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Hawaii market:

'Hawaii Kai, Portlock Barbie'
This princess Barbie is sold only at specialty stores in Hawaii Kai. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck, face lift and mammary enhancement. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version

'Kailua Barbie'
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with a Minivan, matching gym outfit and 2 children. Traffic jamming cell phone and soccer bags sold separately.

'Waipahu Barbie'
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy Silverado with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) ..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what the hell you're talking about.


'Diamond Head, Kahala Barbie'
This Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her Starbucks cup, credit card and Waialae Country Club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Punahou School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

'Wahiawa, Schofield, Wheeler Barbie'
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud Light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

'Ewa Beach Barbie'
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo. Sold only at stores in Waikele.

'Big Island (Kona Town) Barbie'
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Waipahu Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.

'Kauai (or Puna) Barbie'
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy legs and armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She smells like Patchouli oil and prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Kauai Barbies and the optional 1988 Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

'Kalihi, Palama Barbie'
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a framed GED Certificate, books of Food Stamps and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

'Haleiwa, Waialua Barbie'
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-huntin' or out a-surfin'.

'Waikiki Barbie/Ken'
This versatile (mahu) doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts. She / He comes with a running, open-ended tab at Hula's Bar and Grill.